The way I tended to myself this year’s first snowfall, is a testament to how self-kindness can carry one through typically difficult times.

Facing the snow’s steady element, I summoned every source of self-reliance I saw fit.

Doing so in sobriety, I secured myself solidly. The almond milk elixir, with turmeric and toast. Staying warm, I sought solace in myself. Knowing, that those I hold close are only steps away. The connections, they kept my stability. And, today as I gave myself permission to feel what the snow suggested, I settled into sanctuary.

The snow, a reflection to look inside to what’s truly present. Strolling through the streets to see what the outside offered, in the boots with the fur. Covering up my being so cozily I walked in awe and wonderment of the world outside.

Staying close to myself, I settled in to hibernation at home. Sobriety, early into a full year without the substance is always my entirety. Without the numbing, I’m instead exploring into what’s emerging. The snow inspires the introspection. What’s to be revealed, within. Beyond the heavy dusting of white weight, a lightness of spirit I feel underneath. Sobriety, where I refrain from sipping. Instead, I delve into what I’ve been escaping.

At the root of the void was a request for somebody to sit by my side during the darkest night. And, even in another's arms, a relationship can still feel out reach. When the dark night envelops having somebody at hand isn’t always a solution to see you through to the sunrise. At our best and at our worst, we first must walk alone.

And so, this process of practicing self-kindness came in waves. Triggered, yes, I still was. Yet, self-kindness showed up in sobriety. Staying with the sensation to pick up anything also known as numbing agencies. I’d scroll through screens and I’d self-soothe through booze. The sensations didn’t disappear but I’d stay with them, sweetly. And, I’d try and find a light in them to lean into. A light that shone over subtle shifts, and in patterns re-shaped. So that the lows didn’t sink so deeply, and highs held a constancy. Self-kindness can set off a series of choices, I’d see.

Something about the snow, brings to surface the self-kindness practice I’ve been cultivating. Everything, softens. Everyone, gives each other a pass. We’re not used to this kind of weather here, in coastal climate. Previously, the heaviness kept my carefree state in captivity. Yet, somehow this year I’ve managed to stay supported emotionally. And, this practice keeps my soul at ease, elementally.

Sobriety, every day with a re-framed mentality rewires my everything. I’m still programmed to want that next thing, to feel that necessary relief in which a glass of red renders. But, instead I watch it. The impulse, and I replace it. With words, with wonderment to what’s within via my own practices. The yoga, the running up those hills, and the meditations they fill my cup with a warmth I adore. But, I still need top up’s, at times. The solitude as a teacher, and I seek so sincerely to be sure I’m all set to face the next stage. Truly, to be sovereign with myself is the surest way to find a sanctuary within the world.

Deepening into the drifts, my self-compassion develops, and the snow sinks in. When I lessen the hold I have upon myself as the layers melt away, I am left with a new version of who I need to be, today.

Staying in sobriety, for the sake of self-reliance. Staying in support, before the breaking point begins. This is my self-kindness, as a practice. Sobriety, in these elements is enhanced. When I cease to seek outside myself, I find a wholeness within.